![](http://www.narf.tv/wp-content/themes/Advanced-Newspaper142/timthumb.php?src=wp-content/uploads/2011/05/stack-of-papers.jpeg&h=&q=90&w=90&h=65&zc=1")
by John Roberts The Constitution of the United States fits on six printed pages. After the 1,990 page health care bill last year, Congress decided that bills were getting too long and too complex. Subsequently, a bill was passed limiting the number of pages that would be allowed in any single bill, known as the ‘Bill-Ceiling Bill’. “It makes perfect sense [...]
![](http://www.narf.tv/wp-content/themes/Advanced-Newspaper142/timthumb.php?src=uploads/2010/11/muslim-security-agency-150x150.jpg&h=&q=90&w=90&h=65&zc=1")
by John Roberts In response to the attempted bombing of a Christmas gathering in Oregon, Homeland Security has decided to take security measures to the next level. After successfully quelling any Christian retribution in Oregon through increased security measures, Janet Napolitano has decided that her department must create a new agency to protect Muslims nationwide. This agency will be [...]
![](http://www.narf.tv/wp-content/themes/Advanced-Newspaper142/timthumb.php?src=/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/Funny-fortune-cookie-3.jpg&h=&q=90&w=90&h=65&zc=1")
By John Roberts Fresh off of a win over toys in McDonald’s Happy Meals, the San Francisco legislature has a new enemy in its sights, fortune cookies. Legislator Pam Cushman explains their stance. “Intelligent individuals understand that the so-called “fortune” received in a fortune cookie does not always come true. Most people in our city don’t realize [...]
by John Wharff Startling news from Washington tonight, as it seems the new crime law that was recently passed may have been based on some faulty research. In early 2009, multiple scientists received instruction to investigate and predict future violent crimes, and may have released their findings a bit too quickly. The law passed early [...]
by Martin Ricks Things seem to really be changing here in the District of Columbia. Senator Dodd’s words sum up this momentous occasion best, “We all agreed. It was crunk.” In a never-before-seen love fest, all of the senators gathered in the center aisle of the Senate Chamber and standing hand-in-hand voted in the affirmative. [...]
Liberals are trying to keep God out of Novembers Mid-Term Elections, if He even exists.
Unknown man holds press conference, urges American citizens to do things, and says he knows President Obama.
By John Wharff For those of us concerned with the state of our great union, good news is just down the pipeline. Recently announced is the new American Freedom Anti-Propaganda and Family/Education Safety Act, or “The Bald Eagle Act” for short. As its name implies, this act has far-reaching and vast-sweeping effects, all of which [...]
by John Roberts After his first year in office, President Obama can look back on his first year in office with pride, having delivered on his promise for change by all estimations. Many a campaign promise was made, and almost all of them have been changed. During the campaign, Barack Obama ridiculed John McCain for [...]
by John Roberts In an attempt at a compromise both sides of the aisle can live with, one senator is thinking outside of the box. Although in his efforts, a new type of debate has begun, with parties taking sides, sparking new fury over the sensitive topic. Post-term abortions are defined as “The destruction of [...]
