Profiling Outlawed, Racial and Otherwise
by Brett Roberts
Be careful what you say if you’re the victim of a crime. You could very well be fined or face jail time if you profile your mugger in a protected category, such as the tall, or ginger, muscular, or those who wear hoodies.
Janet Napolitano has introduced a new standard for protecting all citizens from becoming the victim of profiling.
Forensic sketch artists now risk the business end of a night stick if their sketches specifically profile any number of societal groups, such as the overweight, the bald, people with tiny eyes, glasses, short hair.
In a press conference, Secretary Napolitano introduced a victim of profiling. This victim, Jared Marks, recounted his experience, “I was just driving down the road, and I got pulled over and questioned for 5 minutes. I didn’t do anything wrong other than the fact that I was driving the same model and color of car that had been described in a robbery in the area an hour earlier. It was humiliating. Well, it turns out they were wrong, and they let me go. I just don’t want to be harrassed anymore, just because I drive a red hatchback. Is someone else better than me just because you drive a blue hatchback, or a white hatchback? No. That’s 5 minutes I’ll never get back.”
An old, white Catholic nun was asked by reporters what she thought about having to get a full and intimate pat down at the airport in reaction to specific threats communicated by Muslim extremist groups, and she responded, “I’m willing to do my part for safety. There’s no way these TSA officers can determine whether or not I’m a dangerous Muslim extremist or not unless they give a good feel of my bra and private areas, now if you’ll excuse me I need to start my 3 day vow of silence to cleanse myself.”
A New York police officer stated, “If we get a report from a witness that hispanic suspects drove a white van from the scene of a crime, the first thing we will do is arrest the witness for profiling, take him down to the station and have him fined, then once we’re done giving him a full pat down, then we will return to the original scene of the crime and begin pulling over every car, of every color and make, with drivers of all races, and give them full pat downs.”
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I think a much more efficient way of screening would be to have everyone just walk through a machine that will immediately detonate any explosives that the passenger might be carrying. That’d work!