Blonde Is The New Green
by John Roberts
US Energy Secretary, Steven Chu, recently proposed that all black streets and roof tops be painted white as a measure to help curb global warming. The theory behind this proposal is that lighter colors would reflect the suns rays back into space, rather than trap them in the earth and increase global temperatures.
Al Gore immediately jumped on board and purchased stock in a paint company that claims to have the whitest white paint color available, called “whitey white”. Several proposals have been made to congress to immediately begin painting all of the roads and rooftops in the world.
While this initially sounded feasible, at a price of $500 billion, it was concluded that the paint had to be applied by people, thus raising the cost, with labor, to $700 trillion. Al Gore is still pushing for this option, as his shares in the “whitey white” company have become difficult to sell.
His sights seem to be shifted as a large number of shares have been purchased in a chemical company that manufactures hair dye. Many were confused by this move until this weekend, when Secretary Chu began a new campaign marketing blonde as the new green.
“Blonde IS the new green!” He exclaimed proudly. “We’ve found an even better, and more fashionable way to reflect the suns rays into space. The part of your body that sees the sun the most is the top of your head. The majority of the world has dark hair, aborbing the suns heat. If we can just convince people to go green by going blonde, we can postpone the inevitable destruction of the earth from global warming by 6 months!”
While there isn’t an official price tag, estimates from all accounts show that this approach would be much cheaper than painting all of the roofs and streets in the world.
Critics immediately decried the policy as racist, and are attempting to block any tax increases on the “dark-haired”. Al Gore has not been found for comment on the charges of racism.
Short URL: http://www.narf.tv/?p=826
Posted by John
on Apr 13 2010. Filed under Environment.
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well for part of the year it might work but for the other cold parts it won’t.
white reflects all light and black absorbs it. but black out screens are black and they keep homes cooler.
Kinda put a new spin on the idea that good guys wear the white hats…
Sounds like Al Gore would be interested in trying to make more money off of us by buying into a paint company to make more paint & call it “whitey white”. He has made more money of the most stupid things, that so many people bought into, & they still do. He will probably make a fortune off of this.
I have always wondered why conservatives have no sense of humor. I guess I was wrong.
Found the link on the New York Times
This is funny….although the rest of the entries not so much.
Elaine…its called Satire
Bart
Toronto
The Global Disastrification video’s funny, but also quite sad since it again indicates how much cynical derision there is about the very real documented impacts and future threats from climate change…
Future generations will not be laughing with us, or even at us. Rather, they’ll likely be condemning us.
Poor Al Bore – he’s losing money hand over fist…and just imagine how much he’s going to lose when his oceanfront villa in Montecito becomes another notch in the rising ocean’s belt…sigh…he may have to go back into politics to make more money
I wasn’t aware of some of the information that you mentioned so I want to just say thank you.
Ahhhhh… this must answer the age old question “Why have they painted the tops of school busses white?”
Isn’t that… technically, insider trading?
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