The “F” Heard Round The World

by John Wharff

History books are full of the moments that forever changed the world. Whether they were the actions of individuals, or entire nations, these moments were deemed worthy and recorded for future posterity. Now children are memorizing not only the Pledge of Allegiance (if not outlawed at time of posting), but also parts of famous speeches and documents like The Gettysburg Address or The Bill of Rights. I personally believe this practice does a wonderful job at teaching America’s youth not to learn history, but mindlessly regurgitate information that will never help them become contributing citizens. But what you might not know is that most of these documents have been altered and censored to make them more family-friendly.

Lately, with the pass of President Obama’s Health Care Reform Bill, we got a small glimpse into the live, unedited truth of American History. Directly after embracing our President, Vice President Biden leaned in and whispered (or tried to whisper) into our Commander-in-Chief’s ear, “This is a big f****** deal.” Which gives me cause to revisit history, or the truth of history.

The beloved quote by Neil Armstrong now memorized as, “One small step for man; one giant leap for mankind” is actually incorrectly repeated. What was actually said was, “Holy S*** this is probably going to be pretty f****** important, you know?”

The extremely influential first line of the Declaration of Independence is now written as, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” Really, it was more simply put as, “We’re pretty d*** sure that all motherf****** are about the same, and the bulls*** shouldn’t stop nobody.”

And my last example is that of the patriotic inaugural address of President John F. Kennedy. Every proud citizen of the U.S.A. remembers the quote, “And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you – ask what you can do for your country.” What was really said was, “F*** the bulls***, let’s get this party started!”

I’m sure that in 20 years time,  elementary students will hear the then patriofied words of Vice President Biden echo through the hallways of our schools, “Mr. President, long will live the historic importantance of this, the moment we sign into effect this patriotic and far sweeping bill of health for our fellow brethren and sisters of America.”

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Posted by Wharff on Mar 25 2010. Filed under Opinion. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.