Cash for Cable Program Working
by John Roberts
Politicians in Washington have been engaging in what they term, “Creative Spending”, to give a boost to another sagging industry, TV advertising. Instead of simply giving funds to television networks, they are buying advertising for this year’s census, and not just a little.
“The government has bought up nearly all of our extra inventory. This has really been a boost for our business.” Larry Salazar of CBN added, “it doesn’t even matter that our programming is really terrible. Hey, we can’t all have American Idol.”
Senator Jane Spenderson of Nevada explains, “People have asked me why they are seeing so many commercials for the 2010 census. I don’t think anybody truly believes that people are too stupid to fill out a card and put it in the mail. This is strictly for stimulus reasons. Strictly for job creation.”
Reports coming out of the White House show that “Cash for Cable” has created, or saved, at least 25 jobs, at a price tag of $250 million. Although it is unclear the exact number, as some of these jobs reported were in districts that don’t exist. An official spokesperson for the White House said they would be working to get the errors fixed, and would be hiring at least 3 people to do the job, putting the total number of jobs created or saved at 28.
Some fiscal conservatives believe that $100 million per job is too much money. Jane Spenderson rebuts, “try telling that to the people who now have jobs. Try telling that to their children. This program is really for the children after all.”
Leaked information from White House insiders show that the billboard and newspapers are next. Names for these programs are supposed to be debated on the Senate floor over the next few weeks. Some of the most popular have been “Bonuses for Billboards”, and “Free Money Because Newspapers Don’t Suck”.
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Ha. Your taxes at work. “If you don’t fill out everybody’s race and birth date in your house then there’s not going to be enough stop lights in your neighborhood.”